Can't Go Under It, Can't Go Over It, Gotta Go Through It.

Been a while since my last post but have had some minor writer's block. I try not to force anything to come out with my blog and want my writing to be meaningful as much as possible. In the title are words from a children's song that applies to all of us. I have discussed issues of abuse with many clients and these words ring true. The only way past the issue is throught it. Like a driving through a blinding rainstorm, it eventually passes. Addressing the abuse issues of your past will only make you better. The part that sucks is you have to go through it first and talk about all the memories associated with the abuse. Most people need to talk about it over and over. Trauma of this type can be addressed from many different angle and new insights can be learned as you progress through the the details. As a therapist I realize I am asking the client to do something he or she does not want to do. However, in my 16 years of experience, it has always helped a client feel better and at the very least, share their pain with one other person, which is a relief in itself. I have always said a cross is easier to bear when two people carry it. The same can be said for anxiety, the despair of depression, and addiction. You have to face it, gotta go through it, to recover, to improve your self worth and improve the quality of your life. No its not easy, and you cannot be successful until you are ready to tackle the tough issues. Once you do, you will thank yourself and finally get make it through the storm.

Selfishness Clarified

There are many times when we are all selfish to one degree or another. We think only of ourselves and our own needs. But before you start feeling guilty, let me put being truly selfish into perspective. I wanted to share a story I read in my church bulletin as a kid. It must have had a profound effect on me because I have not forgotten it. The story is not word for word except the important key points: There was a rich woman who had everything she ever wanted and then some. She was consumed with her own wealth and comfort and never did anything to help a single person with all that she had to share. One night the doorbell rang. She went to the door to find a beggar standing outside in the cold. She looked at the beggar in disgust wondering what she wanted. The beggar pleaded for anything she had to eat. She was willing to take any scrap she could give her. The rich woman looked at her in disgust as if she was being inconvenienced and said "here, you can have this onion" and sent to the woman away. Years later the rich woman died and found herself in hell. She began complaining and yelling to St. Peter "there has been a terrible mistake, I don't belong here, you gotta get me out of here!" St. Peter informed her that she had been a wealthy woman and had done nothing to help the poor. "Name one thing you did to feed the poor" he told the lady. Thinking back she said "Hey I once gave an onion to a beggar who knocked on my door." St. Peter said "you are correct, I had forgotten about that, maybe we have made a mistake." So Peter grabbed a large onion from Heaven and dropped it into hell and told the lady "here!.. grab onto this onion and I will pull you up!" The woman looking pompous and proud grabbed the onion and St. Peter began to pull her up. As she was being pulled toward Heaven she noticed two people grabbing onto her, and then two more grabbed onto them and two more grabbed onto them. The woman yelled loudly "hey get off!.. this is MY onion!" to which St. Peter let go of the onion and all fell back into the flames. Can you find the moral to this story? I think this is a profound explanation of what a truly selfish person acts like and one who totally disregards the needs and feelings of others. Just thought I would share that today. God Bless!

Coping with Anxiety

People who suffer from chronic anxiety often experience feeling completely normal one minute to totally crazy the next. Paradoxically the only way to get through the anxiety is to allow oneself to feel it in all its intensity. Anxiety goes away eventually. Its like a hurricane. Its intense, frightening, and ominous but it will eventually pass. As a therapist I encourage people to do the one thing they usually don't want to do. Go through it. Dont avoid it. Avoiding makes it worse by creating more anxiety. It takes a lot of energy to avoid the inevitable. It is better to say to oneself, "I can handle this" rather than "what if I become anxious?" Going through it means to answer the "what ifs?" If I become anxious here's my plan I will.. and list some things you can do to help yourself ride out the storm. Call a friend, go to be with family or supportive people, exercise, watch a movie with your kids, play a meditation tape, or pray. Give yourself a list of things to do. Make a set of notecards with things that have helped in the past. There is no need to suffer. Anxiety is a real disorder and can be treated. Seek professional help with someone who truly understands and will not judge you. Often it is a way a person thinks that makes them anxious to begin with. Crazy thoughts do not make crazy people, yet you may feel that if you tell anyone your anxiety producing thoughts you will be locked up in the psych ward. The simple truth is everyone feels anxious and at times it is actually good to feel some anxiety. When it starts to feel unreasonable or you start to feel like its beyond your control, and you have tried everything you know to make it better, then it can become disabling. It is time to get help when it's that intense. Talk to you doctor about medicines that could help. Recent research suggests that 90% of people with anxiety and or depression get better with a combination of medication and therapy. That's a pretty good statistic and one that should provide a lot of hope to those who suffer from chronic anxiety.