Someone Is Listening

Well well I stand corrected. The Post Dispatch has reported two more sex crimes that I have read about. Both are male teachers having sex with teenage girls. They are making front page news as well as top stories on TV. With all due respect they are innocent until proven guilty so I hope the stories are not true. Unfortunately most of the stories turn out to be true. Let me share one thing with you. This is a true story and happened about 2 years ago. There was a man in a local community who was hard working, provided for his family, loved his wife and children and had a nice home and a good life. He had a bit of a problem with with the internet and was attracted to pornography. He was drawn into a sting much like the one in St. Louis. He agreed to meet with this girl and her motherat a local restaurant. The man drove to the restaurant, came to his senses, and without parking, drove away. The police chased him and arrested him anyway accusing him of attempted statutory rape. His face was in the paper and on the news. He lost his name, credibility, job, and his wife over the ordeal. Months later he was found NOT GUILTY and was acquitted of all charges. Whoops! Sorry about that! Too bad dude, you lost everything. Granted what was he thinking in the first place? Obviously he didn't start thinking until he got in the parking lot. I guess the moral of the story goes to my previous post that we need to have innocent until proven guilty back in our society. With 24 hour media coverage and instant access to the news, the media tries and convicts people in the court of public opinion. Thus the innocent get placed next to the guilty. There are more people getting set free today because of DNA testing. There are many innocent people in prison today. I find that frightening. A Southeast Missouri man was recently set free (see www.semissourian.com). After spending time in prison for a murder, DNA testing recently exhonerated him from the charges. He lost 14 years of his life that he will never get back. Police need to do a better job at obtaining the proper evidence to convict the guilty and stop arresting people who are only guilty of making stupid decisions. I hope these innocent people get millions in lawsuit money. They will not be able to buy back their lost years but I suspect they would gladly trade the money in to have those years returned.

Bless me Father for I Have Not Blogged

Wow its been over two weeks since I put a post in here. Forgive me. I'm Catholic so I can poke fun at the Father thing. God has a sense of humor. Ask any parent. Okay on to the point. Recently a Catholic priest was arrested in a sting operation. Allegedly the priest inquired about how much sexual favors would be with a 16 year old girl and went to meet her. Seeing that something was not kosher he reportedly turned about face and tried to leave but was arrested anyway. I get it. The fact he went there or was online looking for sex with a young girl is disturbing. I know stupid, stupid, and more stupid. HOWEVER...so much for innocent until proven guilty in this area of the country. The St. Louis Post Dispatch is trying and convicting the guy already. The rules do not seem to apply to Catholic priests. If this was a little league coach or Baptist minister it would be 3rd page news. But its a priest! It makes headlines, bold print, daily coverage of his every move. A reminder of abuses gone by. As a Catholic, this is painful to watch. My thinking is 1) I hope this not true and 2) he's a pedophile who happens to be a priest. He is not the church I know and love. He does not represent us all any more that one female teacher who abuses represents all female teachers. The Diocesan Bishops have done an excellent job of trying to educate people and make ammends to those who have been hurt by priests. Child abusers come in all sizes, shapes and religious dominations. Female teachers who coerce young boys are not treated as badly as Catholic priests. Shockingly, the victims can look like studs and heroes for getting an older woman to have sex with them. Some believe that they are actually falling in love and believe that they will spend their lives with the female offenders.
Those who seek out young kids for sexual favors have a problem and are sent to Sexual Offender treatment. This is not about sex or gratification. Its about power and control and taking power over a person smaller and weaker than you. That explains why a minister does not hire an escort for sex. Its not about sex. Maybe the power and control issues can be treated. We'll see. I tend to believe that the perpetrators walk the line to avoid prison and go through the offender programs but no real treatment is done.
For the priests who are sent into exile, who stay at special residences for offending clergy, I suppose treatment is worth a try. The fear of going to prison should be treatment enough for these people. The compulsion to offend is like a drug transaction in the street. The offender does not think of the consequences. The compulsive behavior is in control. Maybe that can be treated but I am skeptical. In the meantime remember that it happens in all religious dominations, schools, and scout camps. Sex Offenders place themselves in places where there are children ON PURPOSE. That's why they are called predators. They are searching for their next victim. Its sad that clergy are found in that category but they are. Its up to us as parents to tell our children about child abuse and teach them skills to protect themselves.

Can't Go Under It, Can't Go Over It, Gotta Go Through It.

Been a while since my last post but have had some minor writer's block. I try not to force anything to come out with my blog and want my writing to be meaningful as much as possible. In the title are words from a children's song that applies to all of us. I have discussed issues of abuse with many clients and these words ring true. The only way past the issue is throught it. Like a driving through a blinding rainstorm, it eventually passes. Addressing the abuse issues of your past will only make you better. The part that sucks is you have to go through it first and talk about all the memories associated with the abuse. Most people need to talk about it over and over. Trauma of this type can be addressed from many different angle and new insights can be learned as you progress through the the details. As a therapist I realize I am asking the client to do something he or she does not want to do. However, in my 16 years of experience, it has always helped a client feel better and at the very least, share their pain with one other person, which is a relief in itself. I have always said a cross is easier to bear when two people carry it. The same can be said for anxiety, the despair of depression, and addiction. You have to face it, gotta go through it, to recover, to improve your self worth and improve the quality of your life. No its not easy, and you cannot be successful until you are ready to tackle the tough issues. Once you do, you will thank yourself and finally get make it through the storm.

Selfishness Clarified

There are many times when we are all selfish to one degree or another. We think only of ourselves and our own needs. But before you start feeling guilty, let me put being truly selfish into perspective. I wanted to share a story I read in my church bulletin as a kid. It must have had a profound effect on me because I have not forgotten it. The story is not word for word except the important key points: There was a rich woman who had everything she ever wanted and then some. She was consumed with her own wealth and comfort and never did anything to help a single person with all that she had to share. One night the doorbell rang. She went to the door to find a beggar standing outside in the cold. She looked at the beggar in disgust wondering what she wanted. The beggar pleaded for anything she had to eat. She was willing to take any scrap she could give her. The rich woman looked at her in disgust as if she was being inconvenienced and said "here, you can have this onion" and sent to the woman away. Years later the rich woman died and found herself in hell. She began complaining and yelling to St. Peter "there has been a terrible mistake, I don't belong here, you gotta get me out of here!" St. Peter informed her that she had been a wealthy woman and had done nothing to help the poor. "Name one thing you did to feed the poor" he told the lady. Thinking back she said "Hey I once gave an onion to a beggar who knocked on my door." St. Peter said "you are correct, I had forgotten about that, maybe we have made a mistake." So Peter grabbed a large onion from Heaven and dropped it into hell and told the lady "here!.. grab onto this onion and I will pull you up!" The woman looking pompous and proud grabbed the onion and St. Peter began to pull her up. As she was being pulled toward Heaven she noticed two people grabbing onto her, and then two more grabbed onto them and two more grabbed onto them. The woman yelled loudly "hey get off!.. this is MY onion!" to which St. Peter let go of the onion and all fell back into the flames. Can you find the moral to this story? I think this is a profound explanation of what a truly selfish person acts like and one who totally disregards the needs and feelings of others. Just thought I would share that today. God Bless!

Coping with Anxiety

People who suffer from chronic anxiety often experience feeling completely normal one minute to totally crazy the next. Paradoxically the only way to get through the anxiety is to allow oneself to feel it in all its intensity. Anxiety goes away eventually. Its like a hurricane. Its intense, frightening, and ominous but it will eventually pass. As a therapist I encourage people to do the one thing they usually don't want to do. Go through it. Dont avoid it. Avoiding makes it worse by creating more anxiety. It takes a lot of energy to avoid the inevitable. It is better to say to oneself, "I can handle this" rather than "what if I become anxious?" Going through it means to answer the "what ifs?" If I become anxious here's my plan I will.. and list some things you can do to help yourself ride out the storm. Call a friend, go to be with family or supportive people, exercise, watch a movie with your kids, play a meditation tape, or pray. Give yourself a list of things to do. Make a set of notecards with things that have helped in the past. There is no need to suffer. Anxiety is a real disorder and can be treated. Seek professional help with someone who truly understands and will not judge you. Often it is a way a person thinks that makes them anxious to begin with. Crazy thoughts do not make crazy people, yet you may feel that if you tell anyone your anxiety producing thoughts you will be locked up in the psych ward. The simple truth is everyone feels anxious and at times it is actually good to feel some anxiety. When it starts to feel unreasonable or you start to feel like its beyond your control, and you have tried everything you know to make it better, then it can become disabling. It is time to get help when it's that intense. Talk to you doctor about medicines that could help. Recent research suggests that 90% of people with anxiety and or depression get better with a combination of medication and therapy. That's a pretty good statistic and one that should provide a lot of hope to those who suffer from chronic anxiety.

Love is a Many Splintered Thing

Ah love and romance! One day your staying up all night talking on the phone and cannot get enough of each other's company and the next your trying to decide if you are really in love or not. It can be an overwhelming high, an emotional thrill ride. Love knows no rationale thought or even behavior at times. It is its own unique set of emotions than can encompass everything from love of your child, which differs from your parents, which differs from your siblings. Then there is the romantic love that feels intoxicating. You fell like your in a whirlwind and this person is the one you have been looking for your entire life. There is a "this is the one!" thinking and happily ever after, a feeling that we can get through anything if we just love each other. Love is so much more. It is staying with that person when they are at their worst. It is making it through the ups and downs, sickness and health and all the other vows that are so meaningful. Most people who marry do not really understand what they are saying to each other when the vows are said. These are not just marriage vows but things couples say to each other during those times of intoxicating love. "I'll never leave you, we will always be together, I will always be faithful to you." These are just some of the things that couples say to each other. These days it behooves a person to step back and let logic take over by thinking to yourself "that sounds good but I am going to give this some time before I jump in with both feet and allow myself to risk it all." Some people toss love out when the excitement is over. Once the intoxication is gone and its just you and that other person, be sure you love and accept THAT person with all their faults, irritating behaviors, and other issues that we all have. The saying goes "I like you because"..."I love you although." For example Adult Children of Alcoholics have the most difficult time with love because they often find themselves unlovable. The reason being is that this is the message they have heard during their entire childhood. Abuse victims are the same way. She (or he) may feel that she is unlovable to treated so badly. Love is an extremely complex and confusing emotion for everyone. For example: "I love her, I'm just not in love with her" is about as complex as it gets. Both statements can be true. To love means to act in a caring, understanding way and be available for that person when help is needed. To be in love means to risk it all, intoxicating or not. Understanding what real love is the key to a long lasting and satisfying relationship whether its friendship or romantic love.

Proof that Biases are Learned

My kids continued to amaze me. The other day, my 9 year old is outside hanging out and a neighbor kids rides up on his bike and the two begin talking. Not 10 minutes later, my son says "this is Nathan he's my friend." No challenge to who he was, no care as to what his parents did or where he went to school. No consideration for what he was wearing, or what kind of bike he was riding. "He's my friend" no conditions, no issues with the fact that they had just met. How can he be a "friend" already? Adults cannot do this very well. Hopefully most kids do not have the biases programmed into them that adults do. Biases such as what family they came from, what job they have, and how they take care of their children are all biases that adults carry. Adults decide who they want their kids to hang out with based on whether they approve of the person or not. Realistically its for their own protection as adults have more world experience to turn to. We have to decide if so and so is our "'friend" when get to know them better ( and have them screened appropriately with an FBI background check). But in the eyes of a child, its different. They are carefree and accepting of other kids and someone they have just met quickly becomes a friend. The biases and prejudices kids develop as they grow older are all learned behaviors. They are messages that are programmed into their brains by the adults in their lives. Who is okay and who is not okay is learned as well as where it is safe to play and where it is not safe to play. I agree some of this is necessary. Kids have to be taught boundaries and safety issues. However, for that brief moment in the eyes of a child, the innocence that the world is safe, and no one is the judge, we can learn something from our kids. Wouldn't be nice if adults could be more child like and accepting of one another?

Just Going to Complain Today

This is the great thing about writing for enjoyment. You can prettty much blog about anything you want. So...today I just feel like complaining. First, to all you news reporters and bald anchors who want to tell us how terrible the heat is: ITS JUNE!!! Oh my God! its...its hot and it could get 95 degrees today. Yeah AND...They go on and on with various reports from around the city about how hot it is in June. This is news?? Stop with all of this nuclear winter, worlds going to end news about the heat. Its supposed to be hot in June. Oh "and it looks like the heat will continue" (uhh.. yeah probably till September or so.) Geeesh!! Secondly, you wusses playing college baseball using your wimpy aluminum bats. I can't stand watching this game listening to these Clink and Clank sounds of my favorite game. If I was a pro scout the kid that walked out of the dugout with a Louisville Slugger wooden bat would be the first person I look at to sign. You're all cream puffs.. Pick up a piece of wood like a man and play ball. Its crack of the bat not clink! I used to like tennis now thanks to womens tennis and all of their grunting like they are in child birth, its impossible to watch and enjoy the game. Next..Nancy Grace..enough about tot mom get over it! Its people like you that make cruel/terrible people famous and get rich off book deals and TV movies ( and do something with that hair!) Mark McGwire, my family loves ya dude, stand up and admit you were a user and we can move on. Kobe Bryant... sit down now your season is over, yes your great blah blah blah, but your not Michael Jordan or Dr J. Impress me by being faithful to your wife. OK whose next? (This feels pretty good.) Brett Favre please go away enough already! Your time is over. Go coach or something if you still love the game. Joe Buck.. out of all the celebrities that are great and funny you had ARTIE LANGE on your very first show?? What were you guys thinking? PETA PETA PETA I get it. I love animals too but its a FLY!! Are you serious?? It was bothering our President. This is just your attempt to further your own agenda and draw national attention to your group. You dont really care about the well being of flies. Where were you when Mr Miaggi and Danielson were catching them with chopsticks? Oh.. stunt flies... my bad. Kim Jong IL of North Korea.. keep it up dude...keep pushing the U.S. Better yet join PETA. Man I'm in the right business. I gotta go.. thanks for listening.

Walmart Cause Complexes

The great psychoanalyst Carl Jung describes a complex as a "knot of unconscious feelings and beliefs, detectable indirectly, through behavior that is puzzling or hard to account for" (wikipedia) and a set of unconscious beliefs in the psyche related to an archtype. The archetype refers to somehting that people experience at one time or another. It may cause significant anxiety and stress in an otherwise easy-going personality as the person wonders why he or she is getting so upset over something so mundane or trivial. Take for instance, Wal Mart. You set out for a pleasant shopping trip to get a few things, maybe hoping to find a bargain and a feeling of irritability, frustration and anxiety creeps up on you. Maybe its the kid screaming down the aisle, or the parent telling the kids to "shut up." Maybe its the person who cannot seem to get out of the way. Maybe its the person who has not discovered debit cards and still writes checks only to find out its automatically withdrawn anyway. It could be the person in the 20 items or less aisle with 30 items. These are just a few examples. Feel free to share your own. Is it any wonder why something as trivial as Walmart can cause such complexes? Personally I think the flourescent lighting predisposes all of us to anxious feelings. As you look up the eyes get a blurry feel, like something does not quite feel right. The items you need "are way over there" and so you have to get out your hiking gear to make the trek to get shampoo. Need milk? better send a flare up to let people know where you are. Hopefully your cell phone has a GPS built into it. You might need it to locate your teenager or if your in the bathroom. Well.. so much for a fun shopping trip. But hey "I got this for 50% off."

Faith in God is Impressive

I had the opportunity to play at a Christian Camp for a group of kids in a youth group. There were about 100 kids or so there. I love playing music, but to see these kids and to witness to their faith was an inspiration. They clapped, sang along, and seemed very excited to be a part of this experience. There is something special about this group of kids. A few months ago they lost their pastor who was killed when a man walked into the middle of their regular Sunday service, pulled out a gun and shot him. The youth minister told me that the congregation was doing as well as they could be under the circumstances. The kids seemed happy and seemed to enjoy the music. I felt lucky to be a part of it. If these kids are our future then our future is in good hand. Like some of my clients, who have next to nothing, their faith amazed me. Many of my clients credit God with getting them through day to day, or they state that it is their faith in God that gets them through a particular problem. I merely stand in awe.

Storms Create Appropriate Fears

Driving my son home from Day Camp we hear the sound one never gets used to. The city tornado warning sirens. Its a frightening, ominous sound. A wale that sends shivers down the spine. He began to get scared. I reassured him it was going to be okay and that I would keep him safe. Being fascinated with tornadoes I watched the sky. Nothing near us that I could see. The sirens continued. I hurried home with him more concerned about hail on my new car. He then asked me "you never get used to it either?" I told him that is a sound that frightens me too. I love to watch storms roll in, but that siren is one of a kind. A sound that one never gets used to hearing even though in the midwest we hear them all time. Too me there is no other sound like it. No other sound can evoke such strong spontaneous emotions. He seemed relieved that his fear was "normal" and that his father also feels afraid sometimes. This fear is what I call reasonable or appropriate fear. It is a fear that motivates, prepares, and alerts. It says "protect yourself and those you love." Forget the stuff, who cares about the new furniture? Time to move and take cover. Its supposed too. Thats what the warning is for. You should be afraid. You should feel fear; its a normal reaction to an appropriate fear inducing event. Similar fears would be a notice that your house is being foreclosed on, or that lay off notice from your company. Feel afraid? I would too. The kids won't fear these particular things but grown ups do. Its okay to communicate that you feel afraid to your child. Add to that a plan of action. Reassure the child that it is your job to protect them and that you will keep them safe at all times. This will alleviate anxiety but don't expect the reasonable fear to go away until the storm passes. In addition reassure the child that the storm always passes, the skies will clear it will be better. Sounds like a metaphor for life in general doesn't it?

Pain is a Part of Growth

Life can sure deal us some painful situations. Relationships end, kids grow up and leave the nest, job s disappear, and the list goes on. Pain is inevitable. Its going to happen. The Buddhists have an interesting teaching on emotional pain. They teach that emotional pain is an opportunity to grow. "Because I feel pain, I know that I am alive" is one of the teachings. To truly feel that hurt is important because it presents an opportunity to gain strength and self esteem. There is a sense that you have been through painful experiences and survived them all. In therapy I talk to to clients about re-thinking their pain as a chance to become strong. After all, if your depressed, you must know what it is like to be happy. If you have been happy in the past, you will be again. The problem as I see it is people are inpatient with their hurtful experiences. I can understand that they want them over quickly, and get past it but in reality it takes time to heal. The healing can be a time of reflection when you allow yourself time to learn from the hurtand allow yourself to feel it. This will enable you to have a sense of strength and find the ability and confidence that you can overcome hurtful times whenever they arise.

Not Easy Being the Dude

Women have challenges that no self respecting man could cope with. Childbirth? Uh..no Being left to care for a child alone? Some of us could do that. Most men would agree I suppose. Okay the point....Being a guy has challenges that I believe women are not aware of. First, we are supposed to be tough or strong and if we come across that way we are called unemotional and unable to really relate to a woman. Paradoxically, if we should show true emotion, and depth of insecurity then we need to "be a man!" If she's truly afraid we want to protect and reassure. If men truly fear we are supposed to "grow a pair." Is it no wonder why the man is not talking? If a man is being physically abused by a female spouse or lover? He's not talking, first, he thinks, who will believe me and second, can't let the guys know this. How can a man possibly share his most intimate ideas, insecurities and fears if it is met with "oh just be a man!" You see we are trying to be. No we are not all Bob Vila and we all cannot fix things. Some of us are sensitive, nurturing and passionate. Some of us have more "mothering instincts" than women do. What would most women think if a man said "I think I am going to stay home and take care of the children."? It is difficult to communicate hurt, fear and insecurity. Thats not a language most men learn. Furthermore men risk rejection and feel pressure when we make the decision to call a woman for a date, or try to decide where to go out. We often hear, "whatever you decide is fine" not really knowing if that is true or if it is going to be used later as a defense or be labeled as uncaring. Men usually approach women for that first dance, or that first kiss. We are constantly risking rejection, or worse, being categorized as Neanderthals that are only out to satisfy our libido. Believe it or not most men want to satisfy their woman's libido too. So when you hear your female friends say "you men have it easy" most of us would say "your probably right" but at times its not so easy being the guy.

Marijuana: Anti-depressant for Teens?

My work over the last 16 years has included many hours of therapy with teenagers. They are one of my favorite groups to work with. Their lives are always changing. Stressed one day, depressed the next, elated the next; frequently depending on what relationship is on or off that week. There is one thing that I have come to learn from these kids. If they are chronically depressed, marijuana works. Simply asked why the smoke pot, the answer is always the same: "it helps" "I feel better after I smoke weed." Most are not willing to give it up when confronted with treatment and the possible effects marijuana has on their minds and bodies. There is no downside for them when they know that they can smoke pot and feel better. I try to give them all the stats so that they make an informed decision: today's marijuana is 10 times more potent than ten years ago, marijuana is a gateway drug for other drug use, use of marijuana can actually trigger anxiety, panic and even psychosis. This usually falls of deaf ears. The ongoing legalized marijuana for medical purposes debate got me thinking about this very issue and how kids report pot's "medicinal value." Encouraging them to try a legal drug from their doctor can be a challenge but it is certainly worth a try. My suggestion to parents is usually giving the teen a chance to stop on their own with counseling and if they are unable to stop then admitting them to a long term program usually 30-55 days. Don't be misled, marijuana can be addictive and the teen may not be able to stop on their own. When he or she is so depressed the kid will find someway to change how they feel whether its legal or illegal. Unfortunately marijuana can be an attractive option when given the choice by their peers.

Anxiety is Disabling

I'm a huge St Louis Cardinals fan and their star shortstop is currently having problems with anxiety. The St.Louis Post Dispatch has been following this story closely and the Cardinal manager is considering putting the player on the disabled list. I applaud this as anxiety can be just as disabling as any other illness a person may encounter. If he had chronic headaches or stomach pain everyone would be okay with that right? Now bloggers are telling the player to "grow a pair", "get over it' , and make references to his salary (which is over 6 million dollars). It amazes me that some people continue to minimize the disabling effects of mental illness. Fear and anxiety can make a person avoid going to work, care for their family, or getting their needs met. Further it is worse by the sufferer constantly beating himself or herself up with their own thoughts that he or she " should get over it," or "grow a pair." When the person cannot get over it, despair and depression can be the result. The good news? 90% of people with anxiety and depression get better with medication and therapy. Maybe this is what our shortstop needs. Above all, a little support and compassion is due here.

Miss Your Teenager? Texting is the New "Lets Talk"

I have two teenagers and I miss the day to day talks we used to have. The kids were always home, hanging out together, perhaps their friends would come over. As my son got older the less we talked and I missed that a lot. Lately he has been texting me often and at first I felt "pick up the damn phone and call me!" however, my attitude has changed. If this is the way the kids want to chat with the ol' man I'm cool with that. You see it wasn't an occasional text but a conversation that went on for several minutes. Both my teens tell me "stuff" and you parents understand what that is. It wasn't a "be home a little late" message but a meaningful talk with my kid who was trying to talk to me about what is going on with him. If this is how we are going to talk and how I am going to stay connected, then I am all for it. My daughter text me for about 20 minutes the other day and I loved every minute of it. She also told me stuff about her, thoughts stories, funny things that happened that day. It was great! To all parents of teenagers, join the texting revolution. Stay connected to your teen. They are watching the phone. Send an "I love you" just because and when your oldest child says "I love you too Dad" (or mom) you know you are connected. Just not the way it used to be. Technology may be the way we can still be a close family no matter how far apart we may be.

FYI follow up

In my own quest to understand the unexplainable I located some research. There is an article in Newsweek online at http://www.newsweek.com/ entitled "Better off Dead" that give some insight into this issue. You may also google search "family annihilators" to find more. Thought readers might be interested.

Sorry but its Usually the Husband

I follow the news pretty closely and after reading about the murders of a wife and children in Columbia Ill my first thought was "it was the husband." Secretly I hoped and prayed that it wasn't. Surely a man would not kill his own family. It had to be a stalker, or a jealous lover on the brink of insanity, or possibly a co-worker who had been mistreated and wanted revenge. It couldn't be a father and husband, not in our area of the midwest, and not in a quiet surburban town. Yet I knew clincally, logically, once I removed emotion from the equation, it was the husband. I knew it day one after the crime happened. The fact is that it is almost always the husband or boyfriend. This would be no exception. This case pointed to the husband from day 1. As a clinician who is supposed to have an explanation for these events, I have my theories but again there is no explanation good enough that would bring resolution to the tragedy. My theories include, threat of divorce, having his kids taken away and financial problems as well life insurance money, or perhaps he is just a sociopath who acted without conscience. It does not matter what the reason is, because there is no explanation that would shed light on such a tragedy.

Secondary Trauma from Your TV

People who work in emergency rooms or work in crisis intervention services often experience what is called secondary traumatization. They may not directly experience a trauma, such as an injury, or find themselves in a dangerous situation but they witness such events and are therefore indirectly exposed to the same trauma as the patient. Those of us glued to our TV on and after 9/11/01 experienced this type of secondary trauma. We may not have been in New York to see it first hand but seeing it played out repeatedly on TV exposed us to the trauma again and again. Thus we may have similar feelings as those who were there at ground zero. Repeated exposure to bad news about the economy, violence in schools and families being killed in their homes leave us feeling helpless, fearful, and anxious. At the same time, we may tune in to the news to get updates on the traumatic stories. Repeated exposure to news of this kind may traumatize people if they do not limit themselves. As with anything else, moderation is the key. Limiting exposure is a way to maintain a healthy emotional outlook. In addition, be sure to tune in to what is positive about our world and the good things that happen everyday. This "glass half full" approach to life can do wonders for your emotional health.

Suicide Risk Highest in the Spring

Many people relate the holiday season as the time when people become suicidal. There is a connection between depressed mood and dark winter days. poor economic times and family problems. I would suggest that the holiday season is the highest risk for substance abuse and relapse. However, and this may come as a surprise, but this time of year has the highest risk of suicide. Yes, its the Spring. Picture someone who is depressed and attributes it to the winter blues, or seasonal depression. As Spring comes around things begin to grow and renew, there is relief and renewed hope for fun and activities. Seasonal depression sufferers can come out of their sadness and find renewed hope. The depressed person may not come out of their blues or depressed state and feel that "everything is growing but me." They see their depression as more severe than simply dark winter days and can become more despondent and hopeless. Fearing that they will never feel better they may contemplate suicide. This time of year there is a rise of emergency room visits and psychiatric hospitalization due to suicide thoughts and those who have attempted to harm themselves. The national hotline for suicide prevention is 1-800-273- TALK. If you know of someone who has contemplated suicide they need to be taken to the nearest emergency room of your local hospital for evaluation. All suicidal thoughts or statements must be taken seriously. It is a cry for help.

Nerves Don't Really Break Down

Throughout my years as a therapist, I have heard many stories of people having a "nervous breakdown." Most people describe the onset of mental illness in their family as someone having a nervous breakdown or having to take nerve pills. Well folks, there is no such thing as a "nervous breakdown." Again, this is a term coined by our elders to describe something that is difficult to talk about. What they are actually referring to is the onset of a mood disorder, anxiety disorder or psychotic illness. We calls these Major Depressive Episodes, Manic Episodes or Psychosis. These illnesses are real and there are good quality treatments for them. Research is getting better all the time. If a person states they feel like they are having a nervous breakdown its time to seek professional help because that person is under extreme stress and could benefit from treatment. As our society becomes more open about mental illness, maybe we can open the door to call the illnesses by their clinical names instead of vague descriptions we have been accustomed to using.

My Theory is Valid!

In the news today there was a follow up report about the soldier who killed five fellow troops in Iraq. The father of the shooter alleged that military officials questioned him, making him "crack" and thus he "snapped" under the pressure. If you read the article (at stltoday.com) it also reports this person had a history of violent behavior and that there had been an order of protection against him that his former wife filed. It also reports that he had a few minor problems with law enforcement prior to enlisting. So lets add a prior history of violence with the horrors and trauma of war. That does not equal someone snapping in my view. This person had issues long before this incident. It does not excuse his behavior, but may provide for one explanation as to how tragic things of this nature happen.

Snapped!? pt 2

To further expound on my "snapped" theory it should be noted that I understand the emotional reaction that most people have. It is heinous, horrible, unbelievable, unconscionable , etc how people can be so violent after living so peacefully. There is no rational reason. There is no reason good enough for me or anyone else to explain why someone would take a gun to school, or why a pastor would molest a child. Some of my colleagues become angry that these behaviors are blamed on mental illness. The closest of mental disorders that I can surmise to explain these events lie in the personality disorders spectrum. These are chronic disorders of character. The definition of character is "who you are when no one is looking." So this may shed light on one aspect of violent people. We don't know who they "really" are. More later on this topic!

Snapped!?

Do people really simply snap and get violent? Seemingly calm, rationale people living in the suburbs engaging in violent crimes against their children or spouses. My opinion is that people do not simply "snap" rather there is ongoing stress or trauma; or there is another mental health issue that lays dormant or goes untreated until a severe stressor (i.e. infidelity, loss of retirement plan) causes a person to act out the violent behavior. This is not an excuse, they are still responsible for their actions. Saying someone "snapped" is a way for people to explain something that has no rational or acceptable explanation.

Greetings and Good Mental Health to You!

This is a new blog where I present information about mental health, psychological thought and philosophy and commentary on issues as they pertain to current events going on in our region, country and the world. I am a real Psychotherapist. I have a Ph.D in Psychology and I graduated with honors. I have been a therapist for over 16 years. I am licensed to practice Psychotherapy in Illinois and Missouri. The information I write about are my thoughts and opinions about real mental health issues that people face everyday. I call it The Daily Psychobabble because people who attend therapy often tell me they "don't usually buy into all that psychobabble." I am not a Shrink I am an expansionist. We don't shrink minds anymore we expand awareness and insight. I look forward to your thoughts so check back often for posts by me in this blog! Good mental health and self esteem to you!